A little too close to home, Louie

louis nd pam

In an unconventional season finale for an unconventional season, Louie managed to influence and motivates me to do something I promised myself I’d never do again. In the season finale of his hit show, Louis C.K didn’t blow everything up to the highest level like most finales do; he stuck to his quiet and realistic pace he’s been using all season. It is easy to relate to Louis because he is a less than average guy with a more than average sense of self-awareness. This gives his show an overall feeling of realism and it is easy to see yourself making the same choices Louis makes in his life. I’m only twenty, so my experience with kids is purely observational, so I don’t know what it feels like to have the responsibility to be a father, but I know what is like to fall for a girl who doesn’t want to fall for you. 

The usually depressed and miserable Louis C.K once again set himself up for pain by chasing his heart, by chasing Pamela. Pamela is a recurring character in the show, and Louie has always felt something romantic between them. Even though they’d categorize themselves in a “best friend” sort of relationship, Louie has always wanted something more. Pamela is well aware how Louie feels because he is very direct with her, but on the other hand, she has rejected the idea of them ever being together, mainly because Louie is relatively unattractive male. Instead of giving up on her, his sad persona continues to try to make her give him a shot. Louie has gone through a lot in his life, and more recently he had to say goodbye to Amia, a woman who he got to know and fall in love with. At his lowest level of misery, he still managed to find happiness with Pamela. It took a lot, but his persistent desperation and a spectacular date got him into a desired relationship with Pamela. I think that if Louie wasn’t so sad, he wouldn’t have put his heart and soul into chasing this woman because he simply had nothing to lose and couldn’t be any sadder. Regardless, he and Pamela slept together, but that doesn’t mean everything is now fine and dandy for them.

Ever since they met, they seemed perfect for each other.

Ever since they met, they seemed perfect for each other.

This wasn’t a movie that ends after the two characters get together. No, this show is too good for that kind of basic ending. Instead, Louie didn’t even have time to celebrate his milestone accomplishment. His kids rushed in the next morning prompting them to meet “Daddy’s new girlfriend.” Being the awesomely evil person she is, Pamela took the moment in stride. She turned a usually awkward situation for most people into a chance to bond with Louie’s daughters, at Louie’s expense. Making fun of Louie’s appearance is her forte, and she delivers it in a way where you know she means it, but doesn’t say it to hurt him. Even after going on a date and sleeping with him, she subtly says that she is not Louie’s girlfriend, which at this point is true. Sleeping with someone doesn’t automatically mean your boyfriend and girlfriend now. But later, after they continue their budding relationship, she still won’t admit that she loves the guy. She watches his comedy act, hangs out with him and his daughters, cheers him up in her own way after he thinks he is a bad friend and she even throws out his furniture. Let’s be real here, if she threw out his furniture and didn’t think she was in a serious relationship with the guy, she is an asshole. But that isn’t the case. Both Louie and the viewer know that she cares deeply about him, but she won’t admit it. In two scenes, Louie vents his frustration with her and his love for her. Louie points out that one minute she lets him in emotionally, but then pushes him away the moment they too personal or mentally intimate. Louie really put everything on the line and just tells her he loves her and he knows she feels a similar way about him despite her avoidance of the topic. It was a very Louie thing to do, and represented everything I love about this show and Louis C.K. Romance and comedy are almost never exaggerated in his work, so it feels genuine and palpable.

I feel like… you like me and you want to get close to me. And then I do it, then you shove me away. And frankly, that hurts. Either you wanna hurt me or you don’t care. But either one is a person I don’t want to be with.

This leads me into my personal dilemma. I’m about to get real personal so if you’re not interested, settle with those three paragraphs above as a recap of the season and leave now… still here? Well alright then. You see, I’ve never had the pleasure of being “in love,” so I don’t know what it is like exactly, but I think I fell in love with my best friend. I didn’t plan for it to happen; it just did; as these things often do. I won’t go into the gruesome details of our lives, but she knows how I feel about her, but I can only wonder if she sees something more than a friend when she looks at me. She is similar to Pamela. My best friend will always tell you how she feels about you but she will never tell you how she feels about you. It may not make sense to some, but look at it this way. Just like Pamela does to Louie, she’ll tell you your flaws as a human in a positive-feedback sort of way, but she’ll never directly admit her feelings. She tells me that she cares about me, but if I ever even suggest something romantic, she clams up. It’s hard to explain, but, I’m left with the feeling that she feels the same way I do, but for some reason that I do not know, she won’t admit it. Maybe I’m crazy and she feels nothing for me, but does that mean I should quit trying to get an answer? No, because not knowing would hurt even more. And just to be perfectly clear, because I seem to be in the minority of my age group, this is more than just sex. I actually want a relationship with this wonderful woman. Take my word for it because I didn’t have to tell you any of this, so why would I lie now? And call me a sissy or loser or whatever you want, but I don’t lust after this chick, I love her. Anyway, so what do I do? I am similar to Louie by being direct, so she already knows I want to have a deeper relationship with her. So, if I follow Louie’s train of thought, the next step would be to tell her to stop pushing the idea of us being together away, and actually talk things out. Of course, I’m not going to mimic what Louie did because I have to find my own way, but I really wanted to avoid a situation where I put my entire heart and soul on the line because I’ve been down that road before and it didn’t turn out positively.

She doesn’t visit my website (Thank the Gods) but I do want her to know everything. The show Louie has always been relatable, especially this season, but this particular episode felt like it was directly targeted at me. That just speaks to the mastery of Louis C.K’s work. Louie and Pamela had a happy “movie-moment ending” with Pamela sort of admitting her feelings in the final scene and I’m looking forward to see if it continues in the next season. As for my situation, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Hopefully soon, because I’m starting to feel as depressing as Louie looks.

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